Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Can I Help?

Volume 8, Issue 10 - - Friday, March 10, 2006

Hello ALL,

The "Friends For Pat Antoon Benefit" Steak Dinner and Entertainment was a HUGE success this evening. A sold out crowd, great food, entertainment and good folks to boot. It was a pleasure to see so many friends come out for Pat. Annette really appreciated seeing so many of our retired Albemarle friends.
Pat’s friends worked hard to sell tickets, cook and prepare the armory. Walter Hale, Jerry Barr and the MCC musicians and singers provided entertainment. The only thing lacking was a favorable ruling from the judge in Dallas and that’s still a possibility.
~~~~~
Joe Tudor wrote to comment; “This past weekend I stayed in a Marriott hotel, and read the foreword to J.W. Marriott's book "The Spirit to Serve" (it's in every room, right next to the Bible and the Book of Mormon). Jim Collins made a great observation about change and improvement. As you read this, think not only about change in the workplace, but change in society and in your own life.
====================
The "fundamental attributes of successful companies" include:
"Timeless core values and enduring purpose
A relentless drive for progress
Strength beyond the prescience of any one individual
"The key to prospering and adapting in the coming decades amongst an ever-escalating rate of change is to first be clear about and resolutely dedicated to what you stand for and why that should never change. You must then be just as resolutely willing to change absolutely everything else."
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While staying in the Fairview Park Marriott in Falls Church, VA, I took the Metro down to stroll along the National Mall, look inside the Air and Space Museum, the National Museum of American History, and stroll past the Capitol Building and the Washington Monument. We also took a few minutes to peek in on the National Archives at the Declaration of Independence and Constitution. I simply cannot understand how anyone doesn't see that (a) God is and has been at work in this country, and (b) our Founding Fathers knew that, and intended for us to keep that message alive.”

Thanks Joe, we needed that.
~~~~~
Magnolia lost a “squeaker” at the state basketball tournament today. I believe the final score was something like 47 to 44. So our team came in second for the state championship. Still not to shabby.
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include Roy and Loretta Specie, organizers of the Pat Antoon Benefit, Victoria Bocan one of the Benefit servers, four of the Benefit cooks, Ricky Jurls, Michael Baucum, Chance Thornton, and Gary Carter, and also a shot of Pat and Mandy Antoon, there expressing their thanks to everyone.
~~~~~
I guess our new DVD player “spooked” our old one. It gave up the ghost this week so I took it back to Wal-Mart and brought back our sixth DVD player. I promise we’re not treating them harshly, just high usage.
~~~~~
Now the only problem is that our “kitchen” DVD player (the one we won) didn’t come with “TV Guardian.” (http://tvguardian.com/gshell.php) Not a big problem, we just have to be careful to only play “G” rated DVDs in the kitchen.
I can’t express enough how much I enjoy watching movies without the offensive language they seem determined to throw in them these days. If you’re considering purchase of a TV or DVD player, consider getting one equipped with TV guardian. It’s surprising how much more we enjoy our entertainment now.
~~~~~
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
Our Friend Kathy Cheatham shared these with us.

Good One Liners!

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Don't let your worries get the best of you ... remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
It is easier to preach ten sermons, than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
People are funny ... they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
Quit griping about your church ... if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
Some minds are like concrete...thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. Amen
Peace starts with a smile.
I don't know why some people change churches...what difference does it make which one you stay home from? This is good!
A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
God doesn't call the qualified ... He qualifies the called.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts."
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
He who angers you ... controls you.
If God is your Co-pilot ... swap seats.
Don't give God instructions ... just report for duty.
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
We don't change the message ... the message changes us.
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
''The Love of God is like the ocean, you can see it’s beginning, but not it’s ending.''
''We can't change the wind, but we can adjust our sails.''
~~~~~
I got to use my new FEMA radio for the first time today. Larry Taylor was in the country near Bussey while I fought problems between Emerson and Magnolia. I hate to admit it but the radios worked great. Communications was crystal clear.
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at bugsbleat.blogspot.com, bugsbleatnew.blogspot.com, and bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.35
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s new Taylor Recipe Book
Monte Cristo Sandwich - - Annette McClellan

Ingredients:
3 slices white bread
Mayonnaise, as needed
2 slices Gouda
2 slices turkey
3 large eggs, beaten
¼ cup milk
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
Strawberry slices, for garnish
Orange wedges, for garnish
Serving suggestion: Blackberry jam

Method:
On a work surface, lay out 2 slices of bread and spread with mayonnaise. Top each slice with the 1 slice of Gouda and 1 slice of turkey each. Put the third slice of bread on top of one stack, and flip the remaining stack on top, cheese-side down, to make a triple-decker sandwich. Using a knife, cut the crusts off the sandwich (this helps to pinch and seal the ends). Wrap the sandwich tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes and up to 6 hours. (Wrapping the sandwich in plastic wrap, compacts it, and prevents the egg batter from seeping in.) Combine the eggs and milk in a bowl. Heat the oil and butter in a skillet over medium-high heat. Unwrap the sandwich and dip it in the egg batter, to coat evenly. Gently place it in the skillet, and fry, turning once, until golden brown and hot, about 5 minutes total. Cut the Monte Cristo in ½, transfer it to a plate, and garnish with the strawberry and orange. Spoon some jam over each ½ and serve immediately.
Notes: Recipe courtesy Mama's on Washington Square, San Francisco, CA
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

Have You No Shame?
The Sorry State of Politics Today
March 10, 2006

If you read a major national newspaper this week, you may have seen the screaming full-page ad beginning with this headline: “These Religious Leaders Have a Serious Gambling Problem . . . ” The ad, which also runs on television, pictures Ralph Reed, formerly with the Christian Coalition, Rev. Lou Sheldon from the Traditional Values Coalition, and Jim Dobson of Focus on the Family with a sinister photo of Jack Abramoff. Talk about guilt by association.

I was called the Nixon “hatchet man,” so I ought to know a “hatchet job” when I see one, though I am not sure that I have ever seen anything quite this vicious since the McCarthy era.

The facts are these: Jim Dobson had nothing to do with the Indian tribes or Abramoff. The allegations in the attack are without any basis in fact. Jim has fought gambling in forty-three states. This is nothing less than libel.

The attack on these Christians is sponsored by a group called Defcon. Its website lists the people, a Who’s Who of the extreme left, including same-sex “marriage” and pro-abortion activists, liberal professors, and ACLU luminaries. And they have the nerve to say that Dobson, Reed, and Sheldon have “waged war against our Constitution.”

While battling such horrors as stem-cell research, the ad says, “all the time they must have been betting that they would not get caught taking their thirty pieces of silver and selling out the millions who believed them. [But] they were wrong.”

Well, whoever is bankrolling Defcon will soon discover that sensible people do not react kindly to this kind of vicious smear and guilt by association.

But there are two lessons here. First, there is no way in today’s polarized environment that you can boldly oppose evil without being viciously attacked—even if you speak gently, lovingly, and winsomely. Attacks, I guess, mean that we are having an impact.

The second lesson is a bigger one. In the Internet age anybody can create a front group, and no one has to disclose where the money is coming from. A full-page ad in the New York Times costs about $168,000. Did the people listed on the Defcon website pay for the ad? If not, who did? Non-profit groups file with the IRS, and anybody can find out who funds them. But you can create a phantom group on the Internet and smear people with impunity. This is wrong.

And it goes over the top. If he were alive today, I think Sen. McCarthy would look at this and be embarrassed. Defcon gives McCarthyism a bad name.

With McCarthy the nation’s conscience finally kicked in. Joe Welsh, the legendary council for the Army, famously asked him, “Have you no sense of decency, sir . . . ?” That galvanized decent Americans, and the tide shifted as the press began condemning McCarthy’s vicious tactics. They were rightly outraged, and McCarthy was censured by the Senate. Where is the press outrage today?

Now, this is not a time for Christians to strike back in anger. But we ought to be calling people to moral indignation. And we ought to remember that when we fight evil, we will be attacked by unprincipled people. Take it in stride. As my friend Richard Neuhaus said some years ago, “Undaunted, we are enlisted for the duration bearing witness to the truth.”

For further reading and information:
BreakPoint offer: Subscribe today to BreakPoint WorldView magazine! Call 1-877-322-5527.

See Defcon’s website to learn more about the group. View Defcon’s ad against James Dobson, Ralph Reed, and Lou Sheldon. (Adobe Acrobat Reader required.)

Steve Jordahl, “Opponents Try to Tie Dobson to Abramoff,” Family News in Focus, 9 March 2006.

“Group Targets Dobson for Alleged Ties to Lobbyist,” Associated Press, 8 March 2006.

Max Blumenthal, “Abramoff Splits the Christian Right,” Yahoo! News, 7 March 2006.

Mike Soraghan, “Liberal Group Targets Dobson,” Denver Post, 7 March 2006.

M. E. Sprengelmeyer and Jean Torkelson, “Group Targets Focus Founder,” Rocky Mountain News, 8 March 2006.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060113, “Revolution to Revulsion: Ambidextrous Corruption.”

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004 Prison Fellowship.
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
simulacrum: a representation; an insubstantial or vague semblance.
toothsome: delicious; attractive; luscious.
countermand: to revoke (a former command) or recall by a contrary order.
expropriate: to deprive of possession; also, to transfer (property) to oneself.
perambulate: to stroll; to walk through or over.
contradistinction: distinction by contrast.
ululate: to howl; to wail.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"Before you can do something you must first be something." - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions." - Alfred Adler

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling like dew upon a thought, produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron

"Silence is one of the great arts of conversation." - Cicero

"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience - well, that comes from poor judgment." - A.A. Milne

"The world of books is the most remarkable creation of man. Nothing else that he builds ever lasts." - Clarence Shepard Day

"The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." - Elbert Green Hubbard (1856-1915) American Writer, Printer, Businessman
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

Atheist Offers Chance to Evangelize Him on eBay
Suzanne Sataline/Teresa Neumann Reporting (Mar 10, 2006)
In an example of how evangelistic opportunities pop up in the strangest places, 23-year-old DePaul University graduate student Hemant Mehta, in an eBay ad, promised the winner that for each $10 of the final bid, he would attend an hour of church services. Although he was raised in Jainism and is now an atheist, Mehta "suspects" he may be missing out on something.
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2231

New Detailed Digital Photo Renews Investigation into Noah's Ark
Joe Kovaks/Teresa Neumann Reporting (Mar 10, 2006)
WorldNetDaily reports that a new, high-resolution digital image of what has become known as the "Ararat Anomaly" is reigniting interest in the hunt for Noah's Ark.
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2227

Canadian Artist Publicly Dedicates Art to Jesus -- Causes National Stir When Forced to Remove Sign
Peter Biggs/Teresa Neumann Reporting (Mar 9, 2006)
Vi Tunstall, an artist from British Columbia, made news when she posted a sign expressing her thankfulness to God along with her exhibition of art at South Delta Public Library.
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2223

Independent, NON-Religious MSNBC/ZOGBY Poll Says Hollywood is Not in Touch With Mainstream Values
News Staff / Teresa Neuman n Reporting (Mar 8, 2006)
The results of a recent MSNBC.com/Zogby International poll show that movie fans believe Hollywood's values are not in line with the rest of America. The survey polled more than 17,000 people in the week leading up to the Academy Awards.
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2219

Senator Brownback Seeks to Keep Broadcast Indecency Bill "Pure" and Simple, So It Will Pass
News Staff / Aimee Herd reporting (Mar 7, 2006)
Current fines are "so small that they hardly serve as a deterrent for broadcasters."
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2215

Prime Minister Tony Blair Reveals His Dependence on God's Guidance in Interview
Teresa Neumann Reporting (Mar 6, 2006)
"That decision has to be taken and has to be lived with, and in the end there is a judgment that -- well, I think if you have faith about these things then you realize that judgment is made by other people," said Blair.
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2211

South Dakota Does It! Governor Mike Rounds Signed Legislation Today Banning Nearly All Abortions
AP Staff /Aimee Herd reporting (Mar 6, 2006)
The law is scheduled to take effect on July 1st, 2006.
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2210

Celebration 2006 - Churches Working Together to Transform Canada, One Neighbor at a Time
Aimee Herd reporting (Mar 3, 2006)
"I can just imagine God looking down on our days, smiling from ear to ear in tears of joy as his children all played and worked side-by-side with one another, in His name."
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2206

Nevada May Consider Constitutional Amendment to Inform Students that Evolution is a Theory with "Many unanswered questions"
News Staff / Aimee Herd reporting (Mar 3, 2006)
"All I'm saying is you've got to tell the truth about evolution."
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2202
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GCF: Can I Help?

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Found at The Daily Joke Page (50plus.com)
http://en.50plus.com/display.cfm?cabinetID=353&libraryID=98&documentID=5221
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One summer evening a young son came in while his parents were setting the table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help.

His mother said, "No, but I appreciate you asking."

The child responded, "Well, I appreciate you saying no."

(-:][:-)

Hashing It Out

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Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to:
SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com
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I was working as a short-order cook at two restaurants in the same neighborhood. On a Saturday night, I was finishing up the dinner shift at one restaurant and hurrying to report to work at the second place, but I was delayed because one table kept sending back an order of hash browns, insisting they were cold. I replaced them several times, but still the customers were dissatisfied.

When I was able to leave, I raced out the door and arrived at my second job. A server immediately handed me my first order.

"Make sure these hash browns are hot," she said, "because these people just left a restaurant down the street that kept serving them cold ones."

(-:][:-)

Stained Glass

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Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List)
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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An minister tells of his first Sunday in a new parish and of presenting the children's message. It seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture.

And then he said, "You see each one of you is a little pane." And then pointing to each child, "You're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And..."

It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing so hard.

(-:][:-)

We Must Stop This Immediately!

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Emailed to me from another humor list (Humor_G)
To subscribe to Humor_G, send a blank email to:
Humor_G-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Have you noticed that Stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection.........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

(-:][:-)

Yard Sale

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Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List)
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a yard sale."

"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains you found," her friend replied.

"Normally, yes," she said. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set."
_ ____________________________ _

Comments, suggestions, flames, etc.
tellswor@slonet.org
(((\ \>_/ )___________________( \_ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I haven't been feeling so great.\ /
\ _/ I swallowed a door knob, \_ /
/ / and it keeps turning my stomach. \ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The person who knows everything \ /
\ _/ has the most to learn. \_ /
/ / \ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Compromise: \ /
\ _/ The art of dividing a cake \_ /
/ / in such a way that everybody \ believes he got the biggest piece.

\\\\ \_/ / It is unfortunate that, as we \ \_/ ////
\ / grow up, nature robs us of the \ /
\ _/ knowledge of what youngsters are \_ /
/ / always giggling about. \ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / To get maximum attention, \ /
\ _/ just make a great \_ /
/ / big mistake. \
\\\\ \_/ / The older you get, the tougher\ \_/ ////
\ / it is to lose weight, because \ /
\ _/ by then your body and your fat \_ /
/ / are really good friends. \ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / To live forever, \ /
\ _/ acquire a chronic disease \_ /
/ / and take care of it. \ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Any man who laughs at women's \ /
\ _/ clothes has never paid \_ /
/ / the bill for them. \ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Work like you don't need the \ /
\ _/ money. Love like you've never been\_ /
/ / hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. \ \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / How come SUPERMAN could stop \ /
\ _/bullets with his chest, but always \_ /
/ /ducked when someone threw a gun at him?\
\\\\ \_/ / If you have your finger \ \_/ ////
\ / touching the rearview mirror \ /
\ _/ that says -- "objects in mirror \_ /
/ / are closer than they appear", \ how can that be possible?
_ ____________________________ _
/ ) Thomas S. Ellsworth ( / / tellswor@slonet.org \ _( (_ http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor _) )_
(((\ \>_/ )_______________________( \_Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Family Driving

My husband had been the only driver in the family for many years. I can't drive and usually prefer to sit in the back of the family car behind the front passenger seat. Our elder boy would take the front seat and the younger boy sat in the back with me.

When our elder son got his driver's license, his father was very happy because he wanted to relax as a passenger for a change.

On the day our elder son got to drive for the first time, there was a change in the seating position. My husband decided he wanted to sit in the back with me, so our younger boy went to the front.

As we were leaving the parking lot, our younger boy cheered, "Yeeeaaahh...! We children have taken over the car!" He then turned around, looked at us, and said with mock severity, "Now, the two of you behave yourselves in the back." He paused for a few seconds before adding, "Remember now, no hanky panky!"

Received from Anonymous.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Learning Numbers

The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job.
What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says the little boy.

Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Encouraging Words

My little boy sometimes had difficult bowel movements. One day, we were browsing together in a novelty and gift store. There were many wooden signs of "words of encouragement" hanging on display.

Suddenly, he pointed to one of the signs and said to me, "Mum, I think we should get this one and hang it in the toilet." I looked at the sign he was indicating.

It read:

P. U. S. H.

"Pray Until Something Happens."

Received from Anonymous.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Eye Test

A Polish immigrant goes to the Wisconsin Department of Motor Vehicles in Milwaukee to apply for a driver's license and is told he has to take an eye test. The examiner shows him a card with the letters:

C Z J W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the examiner asks.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I know the guy!!"

Received from Paula.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Children's Laws

Donation Drive (2 days left)
Do you enjoy GCFL? If so, please consider a small donation
to help keep things running. Please visit
http://www.gcfl.net/donate.php for details.

Laws Concerning Food and Drink
Household Principles
Lamentations of the Father
by Ian Frazier

*Laws of Forbidden Places*

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room.

Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room.

Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room.

Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein.

Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage therein you may not eat, neither may you drink.

But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

*Laws When at Table*

And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were.

Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me.

Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.

Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away from my presence.

When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck: for you will be sent away from my presence.

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; verily I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same before you.

Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.

And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, because we do not do that, that is why.

And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away.

Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup.

And now behold.....even as I have said, it has come to pass.

*Laws Pertaining to Dessert*

For as we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.

But of the unclean plate, the laws are these:

If ye have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both fork fulls eaten where I can see, then ye shall have dessert.

But if ye eat a lesser number of peas, and yet ye eat the potatoes, still ye shall not have dessert; and if ye eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, ye shall not have dessert, no, verily I say unto you, not even a small portion thereof!

And if thou tries to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear that thou hast eaten what thou hast not, ye will fall into iniquity.

And I will know, and ye shall have no dessert.

*On Screaming*

Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time.

If ye are given a plate on which two foods ye do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, and your voice rises up even unto the ceiling, while ye point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say unto you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct his transgression and peace shall prevail throughout the land.

Likewise if ye receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I say, verily, refrain from screaming.

Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose.

For even as I have made the fish, and it is as it should be; behold, I eat it myself, yet do not die.

*Concerning Face and Hands*

Cast your countenance upward unto the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off.

For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, and there is rice thereon.

And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner beyond comprehension!

Only hold thyself still; hold still, I say.

Give unto each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb.

Lo, how iniquitous they appear.

What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go henceforth until I have done.

*Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances*

Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time.

Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any beast of the field, or any fowl of the air nor of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub your feet against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what hath the cat done, that you should go forth and afflict it so and bindeth it with tape?

And hum not the humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book.

Verily I say unto you, you will drive me to madness.

Neither forget what I said about the tape.

[Ian Frazier, "Laws Concerning Food and Drink: Household Principles, Lamentations of the Father," The Atlantic Monthly, February 1997, Volume 279, No. 2, pages 89-90.]

Received from S.McEntire.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113

Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA

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CHURCH UPGRADE
The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."
The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock'n'roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony."
"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth."
"All of these ideas have been well and good," said the elderly priest, "But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."
"But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!"
"Yes," replied the elderly priest, "And I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof

Thanks to David Lamb
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Tap Away*

During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me communicate with him, my husband devised a system of taps.

One tap meant, "Give me a kiss," two taps meant "Yes," seven taps meant "No," and 95 taps meant "Take out the garbage."

(-:][:-)

*Come About*

A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a steamship to be trained as a helmsman. He masters the classroom instruction, then starts his practical training on the wheel of the vessel. In his first lesson, the mate gives him a heading, and the young fellow holds to it. Then the mate orders, "Come starboard."

Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor.

The mate has an incredulous look on his face as the helm swings freely. Then, rather gently considering the circumstance, he asks politely, "Could you bring the ship with you?"

(-:][:-)

*Social Showdown*

Two older women, Coleen and Melinda, who were rivals in a social circle met at a Christmas party at their country club.

"My dear," said Melinda, "Are those real pearls?"

"They are," replied Coleen.

"Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them," smiled Melinda.

Coleen responded, "Yes, but for that you would need real teeth."

(-:][:-)

*Order Debt*

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

(-:][:-)

*Lost Hunting*

My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us."

They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows."

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Cheap Plan"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=2

"Cat Clear"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=256

"Dog Angel"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=257

"Do Not Enter"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=258

"Gourd's Van"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g05.php?id=259

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/mscareerperson.html - - Ms. CareerPerson Answer Your Questions "Lately I've been getting lots of e-mail from women who'd like to return to the work-force. My first instinct is to ask: Why on earth would you want to do that..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Famous Trials - - http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/ftrials.htm - - This is an educational and non-commercial site maintained at the University of Missouri-Kansas City Law School. The Web's largest and most visited collection of materials relating to famous trials, from Socrates to Clinton. The site includes original essays, images, primary documents, maps, transcript excerpts, chronologies, video clips, court decisions, and other materials to aid readers in understanding the significance of historic trials.
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Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences - - http://www.oscars.org/ - - Official site of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the organization that presents the Oscars. Includes a special section on the annual Academy Awards and Student Academy Awards.
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Women's History Month: March 2006 - - http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/006232.html - - In 1981, the U.S. Congress passed a resolution establishing National Women's History Week. The week was chosen to coincide with International Women's Day, March 8. In 1987, Congress expanded the week to a month. Every year since, Congress has passed a resolution for Women's History Month, and the U.S. president has issued a proclamation.
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Lessons Learned: The Federal Response to Hurricane Katrina - - http://www.whitehouse.gov/reports/katrina-lessons-learned/ - - On August 23, 2005, Hurricane Katrina formed as a tropical storm off the coast of the Bahamas. Over the next seven days, the tropical storm grew into a catastrophic hurricane that made landfall first in Florida and then along the Gulf Coast in Mississippi, Louisiana, and Alabama, leaving a trail of heartbreaking devastation and human suffering. Katrina wreaked staggering physical destruction along its path, flooded the historic city of New Orleans, ultimately killed over 1,300 people, and became the most destructive natural disaster in American history. This February 2006 report from the executive branch investigates and discusses the federal government response to Hurricane Katrina.
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Disputes: International - - http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/fields/2070.html - - The web page from the CIA World Factbook, outlines all the territorial disputes and wars taking place in the world today, from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe.
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Virtual Earth - - http://virtualearth.msn.com/ - - Virtual Earth combines mapping and local search to put the answers to your search questions in a geographical context. To do this, Virtual Earth combines MSN Search with the latest in mapping to create a new Web application built on Microsoft technology. Related site: Google Maps.
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HealthierUS.Gov - - http://www.healthierus.gov/ - - If you just look at the numbers, it can be overwhelming. Obesity is epidemic in the United States. In recent years, diabetes rates among people ages 30 to 39 rose by 70%. About 46.5 million adults in the United States smoke cigarettes, even though this single behavior will result in disability and premature death for half of them. More than 60% of American adults do not get enough physical activity, and more than 25% are not active at all. Yet if you talk to Americans, there is hope. They say they generally know what will make them healthier, but they are confused about what specific information is credible and accurate. This site is a source of credible, accurate information to help you choose to live healthier lives.
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------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
March 8, 2006
excerpt from this week's Scambusters newsletter. http://www.scambusters.org

Kevin Campbell
Information Technology Services
Albemarle Corporation

Using a Cell Phone to Dial 911

"As a law enforcement officer, I thought I should send this info along. Although it IS a good idea to have a cell phone next to your bed, remember that your address will not show up on the 911 screen. That can cause a delay during an emergency.

"Also in most states, the call will go to the Highway Patrol or State Trooper, not your local police agency, which will cause a delay while they transfer your call.

"From home, you should always use your land line phone first and your cell phone only if the land line is not working or unavailable."

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
March 8, 2006
Dealing With Stress
Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Pam Kemp.

Some ways of dealing w/the stresses and burdens in life: The Light Side

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* Never buy a car you can't push.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

IN OTHER WORDS - TAKE TIME TO TAKE TIME- SAVE SOME OF THE STRESSES FOR TOMORROW>>>TODAY HAS ENOUGH.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------

Do Food Expiration Dates Really Matter?

Experts provide a guide to the variety of confusing 'freshness' dates on food. By Star Lawrence
WebMD Feature Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD

You open the fridge, drag out the cottage cheese, check for fur, and if there isn't any, you say, "Honey? Will you sniff this?" This is not, however, the approved method of checking for freshness. The approved way lies in a voluntary system of labeling.

Yes, voluntary. The only items required by federal law to be labeled for expiration are infant formula and some baby foods; some states also mandate pulling dairy from store shelves on the expiration date.

Learn the Lingo of Expiration Dates

This brings us to terminology. The actual term "Expiration Date" refers to the last date a food should be eaten or used. Last means last -- proceed at your own risk.

Other, more commonly spotted terms are:

"Sell by" date. The labeling "sell by" tells the store how long to display the product for sale. You should buy the product before the date expires. This is basically a guide for the retailer, so the store knows when to pull the item. This is not mandatory, so reach in back and get the freshest. The issue is quality of the item (freshness, taste, and consistency) rather than whether it is on the verge of spoiling. Paul Van Landingham, EdD, a senior faculty member at the Center for Food and Beverage Management of Johnson & Wales University in Providence, R.I., tells WebMD the "sell by" date is the last day the item is at its highest level of quality, but it will still be edible for some time after.
"Best if used by (or before)" date. This refers strictly to quality, not safety. This date is recommended for best flavor or quality. It is not a purchase or safety date. Sour cream, for instance, is already sour, but can have a zippier, fresh taste when freshly sour (if that's not an oxymoron!)
"Born on" date. This is the date of manufacture and has been resurrected recently to date beer. Beer can go sub-par after three months. "It is affected by sun," Van Landingham says. The light can reactivate microorganisms in the beer. That's why you have to be especially careful with beer in clear bottles, as opposed to brown or green.
"Guaranteed fresh" date. This usually refers to bakery items. They will still be edible after the date, but will not be at peak freshness.
"Use by" date. This is the last date recommended for the use of the product while at peak quality. The date has been determined by the manufacturer of the product.
"Pack" date. You will find this one on canned or packaged goods, as a rule, but it's tricky. In fact, it may be in code. It can be month-day-year-MMDDYY. Or the manufacturer could revert to the Julian calendar. January would then be 001-0031 and December 334-365. It gets even weirder than that.

How Long Are Foods OK to Eat?

If you are not up on your Julian calendar and dating seems sort of a hodgepodge, how about memorizing some basic rules?

Milk. Usually fine until a week after the "Sell By" date.
Eggs. OK for 3-5 weeks after you bring them home (assuming you bought them before the "sell by" date). Van Landingham says double-grade As will go down a grade in a week but still be perfectly edible.
Poultry and seafood. Cook or freeze this within a day or two.
Beef and pork. Cook or freeze within three to five days.
Canned goods. Highly acidic foods like tomato sauce can keep 18 months or more. Low-acid foods like canned green beans are probably risk-free for up to five years. "You do not want to put cans in a hot place like a crawl space or garage," Peggy Van Laanen, EdD, RD, a professor of food and nutrition at Texas A&M University in College Station, Texas, tells WebMD. She suggests keeping canned and dry food at 50 to 70 degrees Fahrenheit in a dry, dark place. Humidity can be a factor in speeded-up deterioration. The FDA notes that taste, aroma, and appearance of food can change rapidly if the air conditioning fails in a home or warehouse. Obviously, cans bulging with bacteria growth should be discarded, no matter what the expiration date!

Food Safety Tips

Since product dates don't give you a true guide to safe use of a product, here are some other tips from the U.S. Department of Agriculture Food Safety and Inspection Services:

Purchase the product before the date expires.
If perishable, take the food home immediately after purchase and refrigerate it promptly. Freeze it if you can't use it within times recommended on the chart.
Once a perishable product is frozen, it doesn't matter if the date expires because foods kept frozen continuously are safe indefinitely.
Follow handling recommendations on product.

Storage Times After Purchase
Poultry 1 or 2 days
Beef, Veal, Pork, and Lamb 3 to 5 days
Ground Meat and Ground Poultry 1 or 2 days
Fresh Variety Meats (Liver, Tongue, Brain, Kidneys, Heart, Chitterlings) 1 or 2 days
Cured Ham, Cook-Before-Eating 5 to 7 days
Sausage from Pork, Beef or Turkey, Uncooked 1 or 2 days
Eggs 3 to 5 weeks

When Do Other Vital Items Go Bad?

The FDA does require that drugs carry an expiration date. Alan Goldhammer, PhD, associate vice president for regulatory affairs of the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America (PhRMA), tells WebMD that safety, purity, and potency must be tested and established over time by drug manufacturers. If a drug says the expiration date is 18 months hence, it means these three qualities can only be guaranteed that long, assuming the drug is stored properly.

Some critics have accused drug manufacturers of hyping these dates to encourage more drug sales. Goldhammer implies that some drugs may be OK longer than noted, but the manufacturers have not done, say, a 10-year study of how long the drug is good. "They try to establish a reasonable date to allow for time in the supply chain and pharmacy shelves," he says.

The chemicals in drugs do break down and change over time, becoming more potent (or poisonous) or ineffective. "One of the worst places to store them," Goldhammer offers, "is in the medicine cabinet, which can be hot and humid. Consumers should not let drugs sit around. Why do you think most companies sell them a month or at most three months ahead of time?"

Van Landingham also notes that humidity can hurt drugs. "That's why they have cotton in them," he explains.

What about condoms, where a misjudgment could be disastrous? All condoms, the FDA says, have either an expiration or a manufacturing date. They should not be used beyond the expiration date -- more than five years after the date of manufacture.

The sweetener aspartame, another common item often found in sodas, does break down and become icky-tasting, so don't buy or drink old products containing it.

Stretching the Expiration Date Through Proper Storage

Van Landingham is picky about letting food get too hot. The "temperature danger zone" is between 41 and 140 degrees Fahrenheit. Food needing refrigeration should be kept below 41 degrees. On the loading dock, in the car, on the kitchen table, it should not be outside of that temperature for more than four hours total. You have no idea how long it may have been subjected to higher temperatures before you buy it, so you need to minimize the "standing" factor after you get it.

"One of the biggest mistakes consumers make is lag time," Van Laanen agrees. For details, she highly recommends Safe Home Food Storage, a Texas A&M book available from tcebookstore.org.

Van Landingham also warns that most fridges usually aren't holding at 41 degrees or less. "Don't forget recovery time," he says. That's the time it takes to recool after you stand there trying to find a cold beer or decide whether anyone will miss the last piece of cake.

Milk should be kept at 38 degrees, fish at 32 degrees. The drawers and shelves have different temperatures, thus the term "meat drawer."

Van Laanen urges consumers to scribble on their own date of purchase, even on canned goods.

Don't be too cautious. "Some people keep apples five days and go, "Oops, time to go,'" Van Landingham says. "They may still be in mint condition."

He recommends using your senses (this would be the "Honey, sniff this" thing) to decide if an item is fresh.

Oh, and that insufferable air-tight packaging? It has a use beyond building character in those attempting to remove it. "This can double shelf life," Van Landingham says. "The item will be good as the day it was packaged."

Star Lawrence is a medical journalist based in the Phoenix area.

Published Aug. 15, 2005.
http://www.webmd.com/content/Article/110/109544.htm?
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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Daphne Roberts sent us this “FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE”

1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Glock: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791: All Rights reserved.
11. What part of "... shall not be infringed ..." do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case they ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies: rust and liberals.
15. Know guns, know peace and safety. No guns, no peace nor safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911 - government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control -- it makes their jobs safer
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the "gun control laws" we have, don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control
26. ".. a government of the PEOPLE, by the PEOPLE, for the PEOPLE..."

PLEASE PASS THIS 'REFRESHER' TO FREE CITIZENS
Keep our service men and women in our thoughts.
Protect Americans, not terrorists
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Genevieve White, one of our favorite nursing administrators, shared this with us.

When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend, and then I started to become a woman. And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, "Let's cry together," another, "Let's fight together," another, "Let's walk away together."
One friend will meet your spiritual need, another your shoe fetish, another your love for movies, another will be with you in your season of confusion, another will be your clarifier, another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day, or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .. those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many, it's wrapped up in several... one from 7th grade, one from high school, several from the college years, a couple from old jobs, on some days your mother, on some days your neighbor, on others, your sisters, and on some days, your daughters.
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This is really neat...And very true... Have a seat...relax...and read this slowly. It kind a sums it all up..........

I believe - That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe - That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe - That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I believe - That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I believe - That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe - That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe - That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I believe - That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe - That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe - That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I believe - That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe - That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe - That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe - That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe - That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I believe - That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I believe - That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe - That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe - That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I believe - That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe - That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe - That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe - That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe - That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe - That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I believe - That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe - That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I believe in a loving God, and that we are cherished regardless of how crappy we are or what we may have done, He loves us unconditionally. So, in a word, relax. Give your heart to God, and know that you are cherished! Period.!!

Thanks to Trina Montgomery
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Prescribed by the Great Physician

~*~A GREAT RECIPE~*~

Fold two hands together,
And express a dash of sorrow.
Marinate it overnight,
And work on it tomorrow.

Chop one grudge in tiny pieces,
Add several cups of love.
Dredge with a large sized smile,
Mix with the ingredients above.

Dissolve the hate within you,
By doing a good deed.
Cut in and help your friend,
If he/she should be in need.

Stir in laughter, love and kindness,
>From the heart it has to come.
Toss with genuine forgiveness,
And give your friends some.

The amount of people served,
Will depend on you.
It can serve the whole wide world.
If you really want it to!!!

author unknown

"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change ... the courage to change the one I can ... and the wisdom to know it's Me." Have a great day!!! The SON is shining and he can certainly use you!

Thanks to Trina Montgomery
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THIS WILL OPEN OUR EYES!!
Love, Trina

A man was exploring caves by the seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake.

They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could.

He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock. Inside was a beautiful, precious stone!

Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left. Then it struck him.

He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away!

It's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it.

We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.

There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.

May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay.
May we see the people in our world as God sees them.
I am so blessed by the gems of friendship I have with each of you.

Thank you for looking beyond my clay vessel.

Thanks to Trina Montgomery
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The Importance of Activity
by Jennifer May, M.S., R.D., M.S.

By now, you are probably aware that regular exercise—about three hours of aerobic activity per week—is an essential part of a weight loss program. However, if you hit the gym every day but spend the rest of your day at your desk, in the car, or on the couch, then you're still not reaping the full benefits of an active lifestyle. Here are the Activity Pyramid recommendations for adding movement to your lifestyle:

Every day: Find extra ways to be active—take the stairs instead of the elevator, park further away, walk the dog, play with your kids, hide the remote control, etc.
Three to five times per week: Accumulate a total of 30 minutes of aerobic exercise—walking, jogging, biking, etc.
Two to three times per week: Light leisure activities such as golf, bowling, gardening, etc.
Two to three times per week: Strength and flexibility training activities such as weightlifting, yoga, Pilates, etc.
Cut down on: Sitting for more than 30 minutes at a time—watching TV, surfing the Internet, etc.*

If you take a few minutes to assess your typical day, you may find that you're doing fine with aerobic exercise, strength training, and stretching, but you may not be spending enough time on light leisure activities or just being active. And it's highly likely that you sit for long stretches! Here are some tips for incorporating these recommendations into your life:

Park your car further out in the parking lot when you hit the stores. So many of us drive around for 10 minutes just waiting for that perfect spot!

Walk up and down all of the aisles at the grocery store—just be sure not to add unnecessary items to your cart along the way!

Take a walk on your lunch break.

Get up from your desk during the day and take a walk down the hall. This is not only good for the body but also for the mind!

Take a walk in the evening. This can be a great way to unwind and spend time with your family. The kids can ride their bikes, walk along with mom and/or dad, or ride in a wagon.

Play with the kids and encourage them to be active. Sitting in front of the television set does nothing to enhance physical health. Children need activity just as much as we do, and many are not getting enough. Remember that you are the best role model!

Push that lawnmower and shovel that snow! It's very easy to hire someone to handle these tasks, but they are great ways to get some extra exercise. Be careful with shoveling, however, if you have heart trouble—always check with your physician before engaging in strenuous activity.

Enjoy golf? Walk the course and leave the cart at the clubhouse. Those miles can really add up! Miniature golf may not be as strenuous, but it is still more active than sitting at the computer or in front of the TV...plus it's great fun for the kids!
Education doesn’t have to be a sedentary pursuit. If the weather is nice, head to the zoo and learn all about the animals as you walk from exhibit to exhibit. If the weather is poor, take your walk at a museum and bone up on art, history, or science.

Do you live close to the store? If you have a safe path to travel on, ride your bike or walk. Any bags that you bring back can be great muscle builders!

Take advantage of your local parks. Many communities have great walking and biking trails.

* Bear in mind that the Activity Pyramid is designed to promote general health, not weight loss. However, it is a great guideline for adding more activity to your lifestyle and limiting your sedentary activities.

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Jennifer May, M.S., R.D., M.S. is the Manager of Nutrition Services for DietWatch.com. Jennifer has provided nutrition and fitness counseling in a variety of settings, including medical facilities, assisted living communities, health and wellness organizations, and educational institutions. She has also produced articles, newsletters, and other educational materials and has appeared on radio and television. Jennifer holds two master's degrees from Indiana University, one in nutrition science and one in exercise physiology.

http://www.dietwatch.com/dietwatch/diet/dietnews.asp?show=activity.html&AfilliateReferer=lsV4_9
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For many years Ben Stein has written a biweekly column called "Monday Night At Morton's." (Morton's is a famous chain of Steakhouses known to be frequented by movie stars and famous people from around the globe.) Now, Ben is terminating the column to move on to other things in his life. Reading his final column is worth a few minutes of your time.

Ben Stein's Last Column...
ben stein at hollywood's a-list table

How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today's World?

As I begin to write this, I "slug" it, as we writers say, which means I put a heading on top of the document to identify it. This heading is "eonlineFINAL," and it gives me a shiver to write it. I have been doing this column for so long that I cannot even recall when I started.

I loved writing this column so much for so long I came to believe it would never end.
Lew Harris, who founded this great site, asked me to do it maybe seven or eight years ago, and I loved writing this column so much for so long I came to believe it would never end.

But again, all things must pass, and my column for E! Online must pass. In a way, it is actually the perfect time for it to pass. Lew, whom I have known forever, was impressed that I knew so many stars at Morton's on Monday nights.

He could not get over it, in fact. So, he said I should write a column about the stars I saw at Morton's and what they had to say.

It worked well for a long time, but gradually, my changing as a person and the world's change have overtaken it. On a small scale, Morton's, while better than ever, no longer attracts as many stars as it used to. It still brings in the rich people in droves and definitely some stars.

I saw Samuel L. Jackson there a few days ago, and we had a nice visit, and right before that, I saw and had a splendid talk with Warren Beatty in an elevator, in which we agreed that Splendor in the Grass was a super movie.

But Morton's is not the star galaxy it once was, though it probably will be again.

Beyond that, a bigger change has happened. I no longer think Hollywood stars are terribly important. They are uniformly pleasant, friendly people, and they treat me better than I deserve to be treated. But a man or woman who makes a huge wage for memorizing lines and reciting them in front of a camera is no longer my idea of a shining star we should all look up to.

How can a man or woman who makes an eight-figure wage and lives in insane luxury really be a star in today's world, if by a "star" we mean someone bright and powerful and attractive as a role model?

Real stars are not riding around in the backs of limousines or in Porsches or getting trained in yoga or Pilates and eating only raw fruit while they have Vietnamese girls do their nails. They can be interesting, nice people, but they are not heroes to me any longer.

A real star is the soldier of the 4th Infantry Division who poked his head into a hole on a farm near Tikrit, Iraq. He could have been met by a bomb or a hail of AK-47 bullets. Instead, he faced an abject Saddam Hussein and the gratitude of all of the decent people of the world.

A real star is the U.S. soldier who was sent to disarm a bomb next to a road north of Baghdad. He approached it, and the bomb went off and killed him.

A real star, the kind who haunts my memory night and day, is the U.S. soldier in Baghdad who saw a little girl playing with a piece of unexploded ordnance on a street near where he was guarding a station. He pushed her aside and threw himself on it just as it exploded. He left a family desolate in California and a little girl alive in Baghdad.

I no longer want to perpetuate poor values by pretending that who is eating at Morton's is a big subject.
The stars who deserve media attention are not the ones who have lavish weddings on TV but the ones who patrol the streets of Mosul even after two of their buddies were murdered and their bodies battered and stripped for the sin of trying to protect Iraqis from terrorists.

We put couples with incomes of $100 million a year on the covers of our magazines. The noncoms and officers who barely scrape by on military pay but stand on guard in Afghanistan and Iraq and on ships and in submarines and near the Arctic Circle are anonymous as they live and die.

I am no longer comfortable being a part of the system that has such poor values, and I do not want to perpetuate those values by pretending that who is eating at Morton's is a big subject.

There are plenty of other stars in the American firmament. The policemen and women who go off on patrol in South Central and have no idea if they will return alive. The orderlies and paramedics who bring in people who have been in terrible accidents and prepare them for surgery. The teachers and nurses who throw their whole spirits into caring for autistic children. The kind men and women who work in hospices and in cancer wards.

Think of each and every fireman who was running up the stairs at the World Trade Center as the towers began to collapse.

Now you have my idea of a real hero.

Last column, I told you a few of the rules I had learned to keep my sanity. Well, here is a final one to help you keep your sanity and keep you in the running for stardom: We are puny, insignificant creatures.

We are not responsible for the operation of the universe, and what happens to us is not terribly important. God is real, not a fiction, and when we turn over our lives to Him, he takes far better care of us than we could ever do for ourselves.

In a word, we make ourselves sane when we fire ourselves as the directors of the movie of our lives and turn the power over to Him.

I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters. This is my highest and best use as a human.
I can put it another way. Years ago, I realized I could never be as great an actor as Olivier or as good a comic as Steve Martin--or Martin Mull or Fred Willard--or as good an economist as Samuelson or Friedman or as good a writer as Fitzgerald. Or even remotely close to any of them.

But I could be a devoted father to my son, husband to my wife and, above all, a good son to the parents who had done so much for me. This came to be my main task in life.

I did it moderately well with my son, pretty well with my wife and well indeed with my parents (with my sister's help). I cared for and paid attention to them in their declining years. I stayed with my father as he got sick, went into extremis and then into a coma and then entered immortality with my sister and me reading him the Psalms.

This was the only point at which my life touched the lives of the soldiers in Iraq or the firefighters in New York. I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my duty, in return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help others He has placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a human.

As so many of you know, I am an avid Bush fan and a Republican. But I think the best guidance I ever got was from the inauguration speech of Democrat John F. Kennedy in January of 1961.

On a very cold and bright day in D.C., he said, "With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth...asking His blessing and His help but knowing that here on Earth, God's work must surely be our own."
And then to paraphrase my favorite president, my boss and friend Richard Nixon, when he left the White House in August 1974, with me standing a few feet away, "This is not goodbye. The French have a word for it--au revoir. We'll see you again."

Au revoir, and thank you for reading me for so long. God bless every one of you. We'll see you again.

Thanks to Waneta Reardon for sharing this with us.
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verse of the day -- Harley Hudson

For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And the cleverness of the clever I will set aside.” - - 1 Co 1:18-19 (NASB95)

Paul interrupts his rant on disunity and returns to his main teaching … and I do mean that the next few verses are key to understanding the entire teaching in the book of 1 Corinthians. I ask you to please pay attention for the next few days. This part of the series will not disturb you … much. It will lay the foundation for all that Paul will say about the eleven issues he will address in the remaining chapters.

There is a fundamental difference between the philosophy of the world and the philosophy of God. I know, that sounds a bit melodramatic and obvious, but hang in here for a few minutes. The whole problem the Corinthians were having is wrapped up in that simple statement. Corinth was a very worldly city. We know that from previous discussions. The Corinthian Christians were relatively recent converts to the Faith. They were caught between two cultures … and thought they could live with one foot in each. Paul is about to show them the error of their thinking.

Paul tells us that the “word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing …” Think about that statement for a moment. What is the “word of the cross”? What is “the cross”? Ah, the cross is the instrument of death that God used to make the ultimate sacrifice, Jesus. We know that Jesus died for our sins. So then, what is the “word of the cross”? We would recognize that as the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The word “gospel” literally means, “good news”. So, the Gospel is foolishness … “to those who are perishing”.

What does that mean? Who are the perishing? It is safe to assume that the perishing are those who are dying in their sinful condition. Why would this be “foolishness”? There are at least two reasons. The first reason might be that they don’t know they are perishing. Though you might find this hard to believe, stop and think for a minute. What is the nature of all mankind? Is physical life everlasting? No, we all know that we will eventually die. Were you worried about that when you were a teenager? Most teens think they are invincible, that they could never die. Were you worried about dying when you were twenty-something? Thirty-something? To be honest, at fifty-something, I wasn’t worried about dying until this fall … when I faced the possibility of dying – and even that was in retrospect. While lying in the hospital room, I wasn’t thinking of dying. It was only after I was released that I knew how serious my condition was. (Don’t worry, I’m fine now.) The point is this. Most people do not think they are perishing physically, so how could they possibly know that their worldly lifestyle was leading to eternal death?

Since this is true, we can now look at the second reason. How can the story of a man who claimed to be the Son of God dying on a cross as a criminal possibly do anything to help me? In the first place, I have no need of help. In the second place, the idea of this Jesus’ death solving my problems just doesn’t make sense. It defies logic. If I thought I was truly in trouble because of my lifestyle, I would see a psychologist and let him help me through this troubling time.

See what I mean? The Gospel is foolishness to those who don’t even know they are dying! Does all of this sound familiar? Does it sound like you before you found Jesus?

-=+=-

For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God. - - 1 Co 1:26-29 (NASB95)

Paul is asking the Corinthians to look around at the fellowship of believers (your calling). In essence he is asking them who they see. Did they see philosophers? Did they count among their number governors, and senators, and judges? What about those who consider themselves open minded? Are they members of the body of Christ in Corinth?

Paul had left Athens, where the philosophers scoffed at the concept of a God who would sacrifice His own Son for the multitudes. Even the baser philosophers of Corinth laughed at the thought. No, the church was definitely missing the “educated” element of Corinthian society.

Nor were the powerful attending in great numbers. Remember, Christians were being persecuted … and that persecution would increase before it lessened in severity. How many times had Paul himself been imprisoned? I haven’t taken a good count, but it could not be counted on one pair of hands. No, the powerful had all they needed to be comfortable in life … and they didn’t care much about what happened after death.

And the open minded? Those were the persons who were willing to accept almost anyone of any faith of any bent. They were willing to adopt and adapt whatever great philosophy that came into town … but they rejected Christianity. Indeed, they though it foolish.

So, God choose the foolish things to “shame the wise”. It was the poor, the slaves, the common businessman, the tinker, the candlestick maker who God chose to spread the Good News of salvation in Jesus Christ. The message traveled from mouth to ear and city to city through these humble folk who would never impress the “important” people. They plied the faith through everyday living in the market place, not in great temples, and synagogues, and educational forums.

Paul now begins a series of contrasts: the foolish to confound the wise, the weak to shame the wise. God chose those things that the world rejected to “nullify” those things that the world accepts with open arms. Really, “nullify” does not do justice to the Greek word. Nullify gives the impression of “cancelling out” or “evening the score” or “neutralizing”. The Greek actually carries a feeling of “destroy”. Those things that are rejected by the world will destroy the philosophies, the powers, the greatness of the worldly things. Hmmmmmmm.

All of this really sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Ask any honest preacher and he will tell you that it is not the giving of the rich that drives church finances. It is the small tithes of the poor, the common man, the worker bee that makes any ministry possible. Sure, it is nice to receive the big endowments … but they usually come with strings. The “widow’s mite” has no strings. The first wants a “name” attached to the new youth building. The second is given out of love and humility and trust that God will use it to its best advantage.

It is not the college professors (my apologies to at least two exceptions to the rule who read these ramblings) who teach the children the basics of the faith. It is the young mother who is strapped for time raising three and a half kids who leads the children to Jesus. It is not the doctors who mend the widow’s fence; it is the workman who labors 8 or 10 hours then does it in the dark or on a Saturday.

It is not the politicians who give the simple testimonies that demonstrate God’s work in every day lives. It is the simple, the common, the ones deemed unacceptable by the elite society.

God’s wisdom vs. man’s wisdom. Which will prevail?

-=+=-

And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the testimony of God. For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. - - 1 Co 2:1-2 (NASB95)

Previously I mentioned that Paul came to Corinth from Athens. What I did not mention then but will now is this. Paul left Athens with totally different results than any other place he went. Paul was used to responses to his message. He usually established a church in every city. From the very beginning of his apostolic ministry his pattern was to preach the Word, first to the Jew then the Greek. His preaching resulted in “conversions”. Frequently he was driven from town because of the great response to his efforts. A few weeks later, Paul would return to the community and appoint elders. This didn’t happen in Athens.

Paul preached the Word, but he did it in the Acropolis, the meeting place of the learned. His message was received with curiosity and questions but few, if any, conversions. The most positive response was “We’d like to hear more about this.” Paul was not run out of town; he left.

When he arrived in Corinth, it is speculated, mostly from this chapter, that he was sick and weak. It is fair to believe that he was somewhat deflated by his reception in Athens where he had attempted to philosophize the Word to reach philosophers. The end result was that he entered Corinth humbled. “I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom.” As he approached the non-believers in Corinth, he wanted to present them with less of himself and more of Jesus. “For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.”

Paul demonstrates for us the attitude we, as believers, should have when we approach unbelievers … we should know nothing except Jesus Christ … and Him crucified. Why? This action takes the “me” out of the presentation. Do you remember Paul’s statement that he was glad he had baptized no one in Corinth? Today’s verses and those for tomorrow tell us why. It was a furtherance of his determination to take the “Paul” out of the Gospel and let Jesus speak for himself. Jesus made a similar statement. “… and you will even be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. ‘But when they hand you over, do not worry about how or what you are to say; for it will be given you in that hour what you are to say. For it is not you who speak, but it is the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you.’” (Mat. 10:18-20 NASB)

Paul has not left the topic of “wisdom” but is simply telling us how he, and by example how we, should approach the presentation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Worldly wisdom tells us to take he credit for all that we do. God’s wisdom tells us to trust the Spirit of God to do the work for us. He is the one who knows the heart of God and the hearts of men. We are simply the spokesmen who speak what God tells us and nothing else.

-=+=-

Harley

c. 2006 Harley E. Hudson

If you received Verse of the Day as a forward and you wish to have your own subscription, simply send an e-mail to hhudson719@sbcglobal.net and request a free subscription.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 11, Number 43 --- 07 March 2006
Tourbus Home - http://www.TOURBUS.com
Best of Tourbus -- http://tourbus.com/best.html
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TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Car Buying and Stargazing

Thinking about buying or selling a car? Today's TOURBUS will help you get the best deal. Also in this issue, astronomy online, switching to Linux, how to avoid an LSASS kicking. Read on!
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Buying a Car, Selling a Car
-----------------------------

Are you thinking about buying a new car? If you're thinking of buying or selling an Acura, Audi, BMW, Buick, Cadillac, Chevrolet, Chrysler, Dodge, Ford, GMC , Honda, Hyundai, Infiniti, Isuzu, Jaguar, Jeep, Kia, Lexus, Lincoln, Mazda, Mercedes, Mercury, Mitsubishi, Nissan, Pontiac, Porsche, Saab, Saturn, Subaru, Toyota, VW, or Volvo...

...I'll point you to the websites you MUST visit before your trip to see the man in the polyester suit.
http://askbobrankin.com/buying_selling_car_online.html

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There Goes The Neighborhood
-----------------------------

I got a lot of comments on my "House Values" article, both positive and negative. A free online service that can estimate the value of your house is a very cool idea, but it seems to be ruffling the feathers of many real estate professionals.

Keep in mind the service is still in beta test, so the results may not be 100% accurate for every neighborhood. Try it on your house (or a neighbor's) and see what you think!

http://askbobrankin.com/house_values.html

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Attention Stargazers...
--------------------------

If you're an amateur astronomer, or you just enjoy looking up into the night sky, the Internet is full of resources for you. For the best star pictures, astronomy websites, user groups and telescope reviews, read all about Astronomy Online here:

http://askbobrankin.com/astronomy_online.html

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Linux: Time to Switch?
-------------------------

Every once in a while I mention Linux -- a free alternative to the Microsoft Windows operating system. It used to be that Linux was just for geeks. But modern Linux variants are easy to install, have friendly graphical interfaces, and come with a full suite of software for word processing, spreadsheets, email, web browsing and more.

Lots of people are switching to Linux because both the operating system and all the software you'll ever need are available for free. Others find it attractive because there are very few problems with viruses, spyware and security. If you're curious about Linux and would like to try it out, these articles will help you get started:

History of Linux
http://www.askbobrankin.com/history_of_linux.html

Where Can I Download Linux?
http://www.askbobrankin.com/where_can_i_download_linux.html

Help with Basic Linux Commands
http://www.askbobrankin.com/help_with_basic_linux_commands.html

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Is LSASS.EXE a Virus?
-----------------------

A TOURBUS reader recently asked me this question about viruses:
"When I run the Windows XP Task Manager, I see a process named lsass.exe that is active. I'm worried that this might be a virus -- should I get rid of it?"

Ahh, poor LSASS... so much fear and uncertainty surrounds the topic. So it should be comforting that I can give you an authoritative "Probably Not" answer to that question. That's because lsass.exe is both an essential part of the Windows operating system, AND a nasty computer virus. So how can you be sure if your LSASS is good or evil? Here's the answer:

http://www.askbobrankin.com/what_is_lsass.html

+---------------------------------------+
That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin

==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
Albemarle Steak and Bingo Supper - April 22, 2006
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Spc. Christopher S. Merchant, 32, of Hardwick, Vt., died in AR. Ramadi, Iraq, on March 1, when his HMMWV came under attack by enemy forces using a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device and rocket-propelled grenade. Merchant was assigned to the Army National Guard's 3rd Battalion, 172nd Infantry Regiment, Jericho, Vt.

02. Lance Cpl. Matthew A. Snyder, 20, of Finksburg, Md., died March 3 from a non combat-related vehicle accident in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to Combat Service Support Group-1, 1st Marine Logistics Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.

03. Staff Sgt. Kevin P. Jessen, 28, of Paragould, Ark., died in Rawah, Iraq, on March 5, when an improvised explosive device detonated during combat operations. Jessed was assigned to the Army's 22nd Chemical Battalion (Technical Escort), Aberdeen Proving Ground, Md.

04. Staff Sgt. Dwayne P. R. Lewis, 26, of New York City, died in Baghdad, Iraq on Feb. 27, when his unit was attacked by enemy forces using small arms fire during a dismounted patrol. Lewis was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 22nd Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

The Department of Defense announced today the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.
05. Gunnery Sgt. Justin R. Martone, 31, of Bedford, Va.
06. Gunnery Sgt. John D. Fry, 28, of Lorena, Texas
Martone died March 7 and Fry died March 8 from improvised explosive devices in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Martone was assigned to 9th Engineer Support Battalion, 3rd Marine Logistics Group, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Okinawa, Japan. Fry was assigned to 8th Engineer Support Battalion, 2nd Marine Logistics Group, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

07. Cpl. Adam O. Zanutto, 26, of Caliente, Calif., died March 6 at National Naval Medical Center, Bethesda, Md., from wounds received as a result of an improvised explosive device in Al Anbar province, Iraq on Feb. 25. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.

08. Pfc. Ricky Salas, Jr. 22, of Roswell, N.M., died in Mosul, Iraq, on March 7, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his military vehicle while conducting mounted operations. Salas was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 37th Armored Regiment, Friedberg, Germany.

~~

Airman Lost In 1942 Crash Is Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. Army Air Forces airman, missing since 1942, have been identified and will soon be returned to his family for burial.

He is Aviation Cadet Leo Mustonen, 22, of Brainerd, Minn. The family has not set a date for his burial.

Mustonen was one of four men aboard a routine navigation training flight that departed Mather Field, Calif., on Nov. 18, 1942. Their AT-7 Navigator aircraft carried about five hours of fuel, and when the plane did not return to base, a search was initiated. It was suspended about a month later with no results.

In 1947, several hikers on Darwin Glacier in the Sierra Nevada mountain range discovered the aircraft wreckage. Human remains of three of the crew found at the site were buried in the Golden Gate National Cemetery in San Bruno, Calif.

Several other hikers on Mendel Glacier, which is adjacent to Darwin Glacier, discovered frozen human remains, circumstantial evidence and personal effects in October 2005. Park rangers from Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks and a forensic anthropologist from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) recovered the remains, which were later shipped to the JPAC laboratory in Hawaii.

Scientists from JPAC and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory also used mitochondrial DNA as one of the forensic tools in the process. U.S. Army casualty and mortuary officials located and briefed representatives of the families of all four crewmen.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call (703) 699-1169.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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It’s never too early to start making my Anniversary Present list. (Well, I did get a new medicine bag for my birthday.)
Rechargeable Batteries for the following “Ham” radios: Kenwood TH-22-AT (9.6 volts, 600 mAh battery, 2 each (for our two radios)), Yaesu FT-50 (it takes a FNB-83 7.2V1400mAh battery), Yaesu, VX-1 (it takes a FNB-52LI 3.6V 700mAh Lithium-Ion battery).
New “Rubber Ducky” antennas for the following “Ham” radios: Kenwood TH-22-AT (two radios)
Anything from Larry Norman
Back Scratcher
Basic tools of any kind
Batteries, 9 volt
Batteries, AAA
Blankets or Quilts
Book, “The Good Life: Seeking Purpose, Meaning, and Truth in Your Life” by Charles Colson
“Boot” Horn
Chair, office $49 from SAMS (5 of them)
Cheese Grater
Cordless Drill
Cordless Screwdriver
A DeLorme Earthmate GPS LT-20 device
A copy of DeLorme Street Atlas USA 2006 Plus
A copy of DeLorme Topo USA 5.0
Digital Video Recorder (Pioneer DVR-533H-S $333 at Beach Camera)
Eyeglasses, “Computer type” to use at church (and some new ones to use at home and at work.)
Floor Mats (for the truck)
A new “Gitter”
Handkerchiefs
Hasselblad H2D-39 Digital Professional Camera
Hat (warm, for bald guys winter wear.)
Magnifying Glass.
New Showerhead
Non skid toilet rug
Refrigerator Thermometer
Small, lightweight “head light” so I can see small things on the desk or work bench.
Some Warmup Suits to wear around the house after we get that first gas bill.
Trackball for the home computer
VHS - DVD Recorder (Lite-On LVC-9006 $219 @ Buy.com)
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Scheduled Activities
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Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
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"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - Early Morning Prayer - Monday - Friday, From 6:30 am to 8:00 am
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets at 1051 Columbia 36 the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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MCC - Over comers: Fridays @ 7:00 p.m- Director, Traci Foster invites you to a 12 step Christian support program. For anyone with a life controlling problem. Child care is provided.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
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TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
1 Th 4:11-12 Josh 7:6,7,10 1 Tim 6:12 Luke 19:1-6 Jer 33:2-3 Jer 33:2-3 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2005 before it was sent. ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>